I was 12 in 1960 when my first grandfather passed away. When I was 8 in 1956 my male cousin in Seattle died in a Car accident at age 16 in a car he was driving in. These were the first two deaths in my life that I really had to deal with. My cousin because he was a peer shocked me to the core and frightened me. This was a good thing in that it was real and it made me feel mortal and alone. It helped me to become more realistic and helped me to grow up and to better face my life as a man.
The next two that passed were my father's parents: 1970 and 1972
My father 1985
my mother's mother 1978
my father's oldest brother 1987
my father's youngest sister 1995
wife's mother 1999
wife's stepmother 1999
Father's sister's oldest son 2001
my mother's oldest sister 2005
next oldest sister 2007
Mom's oldest sister's son2007
My best friend from age 6 2006
a girlfriend 2005
Female Cousin 2008
Father's oldest sister 2008
Mother 2008
Father in law 2008
Best friend in School from 1960 (I was 12) 2010
The hardest people to deal with passing were my father in 1985 (eventually led to my divorce in 1994) Even though I knew his death would bring on a divorce I couldn't face it before 1994 and it was hard even then.
Though I couldn't have believed anything could harm me more than my father's passing I was wrong. Watching my mother slowly die over 8 years from senile dementia was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. No illness I have ever had was harder to deal with than this. I watched many other people in similar situations lose their minds and sometimes commit suicide over situations like this especially if they were single while watching their last parent die. Lessons learned: "Life is for the Living". In other words if you have a wife or children you have to live on for them and release your parents to their fate. It is the only way to survive their passing if you are close to them.
Life is for the Living. Those that are dying you must put in a different category than the living in order for you to survive their passing and not to join them in their grave.
Though all these people were difficult to lose for me my parents and two of my best friends from childhood were the hardest. In 2010 when my friend from Junior High and High School died when I got to Bakersfield where he passed on I couldn't speak for about 5 hours I was so upset about it. Luckily, I could sleep on it until the next day my wife and son joined me at a full military funeral for him as he had served in the Air Force in Viet Nam.
In 2006 when my friend from church from when I was 6 passed away I was sort of happy for him because I knew he wasn't happy anymore in his life. So, even though he loved being a teacher and had been one since college I knew living alone after 2 divorces didn't really suit him and he was better off passed away. But still, whenever people important go away you are never the same because your relationship was a part of who you were. So, every time someone you care about passes away a part of you dies too. This is just the way life is so getting used to this is important if you wish to live to an old age.
It is important to consider that these were my closest friends and relatives that passed away. I could actually name about 50 other people that passed away during this time that I knew. For example, our two dogsitters were recently killed when an El Dorado cut through their van at 50 mph. We will be going to their memorial soon.
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